Ķermenis, kas atceras

Ināra Serra, 05.03.2010., 00:56

Reizēm liekas, ka mans ķermenis ir pārāk jūtīgs. Un vēl apveltīts ar atmiņu. Pašam savu. Nu, reizēm. Tad, kad guļu gultā, lēnām pusmiegā prātoju par visu un neko...

Un tad sāc apcerēt pēdējo dienu notikumus. Un ir tāda sajūta, ka viņa roka atkal ir uz mana vēdera. Refleksīvi mazliet pierauju ceļus uz augšu. Tad attopos, atslābstu. Pagriežos uz sāna un viduklis pēkšņi atceras, cik silti un maigi viņš to apskāva, pievilka sev cieši klāt... Ar lūpām viegli glāstot skaustu.

Un mēs baidamies.autors - epSos .de No sevis, no citiem un... No visa kā.

Samulsināt mani. Pievilkt mani klāt un ignorēt manu mulstošo, satraustītos teikumus, stāstus, kuri nebūt nav saistīti un ir pilnīgi nesakarīgi. Ignorēt un, kad es paceļu galvu, lai paskatītos atkal tajās acīs, pievilkt manu seju klāt skūpstam. Kad lūpas satiekas, ļaut zaudēt man prātu. Tverot pēc elpas, cenšos mazliet atliekties, ātrumā atsākot runāt. Runāt, atgūt prātu. Saglābt. Bet tad viņš piecēlās kājās, pastiepa roku un teica: "Iesim gulēt?" Man vajadzēja zināt labāk. Zināt labāk, lai neļautos sajūtai, kad mirklis šķiet īstāks nekā realitāte kā tāda. Saņēmu viņa roku savā un sekoju.

Un bailes ne vienmēr ir nepamatotas. Lai arī pāris dienas viņš visu laiku apgalvoja, ka nevarot pārstāt par mani domāt, tas pārgāja ātrāk nekā būtu gribējies. Tikai mans ķermenis. Atceras.


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